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Pittsford Alliance for Substance-Free Youth The Pittsford Alliance for Substance-Free Youth (formerly School Community Partnership Council) is a group of organizations, individuals, school and town personnel that are dedicated to drug prevention and positive youth development. In the interest of our youth, we strive to provide leadership, bring together and coordinate all potential resources, and be a proactive force in the community creating opportunities to practice and model healthy lifestyles. Please go to www.pittsfordschools.org/programs.cfm?subpage=99 for more information about this vital community organization.
PLAY BALL! UNDERAGE DRINKING TIPLINE
PREVENTION STRATEGIES FOR PARENTS OF ADOLSECENTS Peer pressure is often viewed as a major factor that affects whether or not your teen becomes involved with alcohol and other drug use. Peers can positively or negatively influence other teens, but in reality, it is your teen’s own decision to choose whether or not to take that first step and experiment. As your children enter their teen years, they need you more than ever to guide them toward choosing positive friends and to participate in healthy activities. Here are some tips to help your teen make good choices.
Communicate • Be a good listener. Ask questions—and encourage them to talk. Showing your willingness to listen, without being judgmental, will make your teen feel more comfortable about opening up to you. Don’t lecture.
• Use TV reports, anti-drug commercials, news or school discussions about drugs to help you introduce the subject in a natural, unforced way.
• Be absolutely clear with your kids that you don’t want them using drugs. Ever. Don’t leave room for interpretation. And talk often about the dangers and results of alcohol and other drug abuse. Once or twice a year won’t do it.
• If your teen makes statements that challenge or shock you, turn them into a calm discussion of why he or she thinks people use drugs, or whether the effect is worth the risk. Don’t react in a way that will cut off further discussion and don’t echo his or her tone. Stay dispassionate and even-tempered.
• Give honest answers. Don’t make up what you don’t know; offer to find out. If asked whether you’ve ever taken drugs, be honest. But let your teen know what’s important: that you don’t want him or her using drugs even though you may have made mistakes yourself.
• Communicate with your spouse (or ex-spouse) regarding your teen’s activities. When families communicate and work together, kids are far less likely to get lost in the shuffle. The only way the “divide and conquer” strategy works is if families let their children get away with it.
• Communicate with parents of your teen’s friends. Letting your kids know you talk to each other presents a united front. “Parent power” is stronger than peer influence. Let other parents know that you want them to tell you if your child is involved in risky behavior, and offer to do the same for their child.
• Don’t confuse privacy with secrecy. It is not OK for kids to be incommunicado with parents for extended periods. Privacy is OK; secrecy is not.
Know the facts • Find out about alcohol and other drug use, especially local trends. Avoid hearsay or bias. If you have questions, contact the Pittsford Schools Prevention Coordinator or Pittsford Youth Services, or a drug and alcohol counselor. Don’t be naïve in thinking there are no alcohol or other drug problems in Pittsford.
Set and maintain rules • Work together to create clear, fair and reasonable rules, but don’t bargain. You are in charge. Discuss in advance the consequences of breaking the rules you’ve set. Don’t let the rule-breaker off the hook. Your teen may get upset, but don’t be bowled over by the anger. Short-term gain for long-term pain is not a reasonable trade-off.
• Do not impose unrealistic punishments that will later be dismissed or forgotten. This kind of inconsistency helps to establish that you are really not in charge. (If you are divorced, try to co-parent with your ex-spouse, no matter how difficult this might be.)
• Set weekday and weekend curfews and maintain them.
• Set and enforce a “check-in” policy when your teen is out with friends. Provide a cell phone or a phone card so your teen can call home on a regular basis.
• Hold your teen accountable. Don’t excuse irresponsible behavior, make excuses or resolve a problem he or she caused, even though the consequences might be uncomfortable for you or your child.
Home alone? • Try to be home after school. The “danger time” for drug use during the school year is between 4 and 6 p.m., when there’s no one around. If possible, arrange flexible time at work or have your child report to a responsible adult. (The pro-drug code “4:20” hails from this vulnerable time of the day.)
• Think twice about leaving kids home alone. Ever.
• If you must go out of town and leave your teen at home, make arrangements for a RESPONSIBLE adult to stay with him or her, or have your child stay with another family with whom you are comfortable and trust.
• Be home when your teen is going out. And be awake when he or she comes home so you can say good night (and to also check on his or her condition!).
School issues • Make it clear that you welcome communication from your teen’s school if his or her teachers or counselor have any concerns. Provide phone numbers and e-mail addresses where you can be reached.
• Seriously consider if it is really necessary to allow your high school-age teen to go off-campus for lunch. If you do decide to allow this privilege, talk to your teen about making positive choices, and make it clear that the privilege can be easily and quickly taken away if it is abused.
• Also consider how important it is for your teen to drive to and from school. Having access to a car during lunch period certainly expands dining choices, but driving off-campus during lunch can also increase the chance of getting in trouble. And cars are great places to use and store illegal substances.
Teach resistance skills • Role-play with your teen and practice ways to refuse alcohol or other drugs in various scenarios. Acknowledge how tough these moments can be.
• Give your teen some “lines” to use to get out of uncomfortable situations, including using you as a reason for not making bad choices. “Yeah, if I did that my parents would kill me,” or “My parents are crazy. They always find out! It’s not worth getting caught.”
• If your child baby-sits, make it clear to him or her that if the child’s parent(s) come home and seem drunk, your child should call you for a ride home—there is no obligation to get in a car with the parent (or anyone) under the influence.
Be a role model • Be a living, day-to-day example of your value system. Show the compassion, honesty, generosity and openness you want your child to have.
• It is NOT OK to drink or use drugs with your teen, or to allow your teen and his or her friends to drink or use drugs in your home. Taking your teen’s friends’ keys away so they can’t drive home drunk after drinking at your house sends a mixed (and wrong) message. They should not be drinking in your home in the first place. You can be held liable after they have left your home if there is an accident.
• Examine your own use of alcohol, tobacco, and even over-the-counter drugs. Telling your kids they can have fun without alcohol or other drugs while they see you always socializing with your friends with a cocktail or cigar in hand sends a mixed message.
• If you have a liquor cabinet in your home or store beer in your garage, monitor the supply very carefully.
• Make sure other family members and adult friends who are close to your teen have the same values as you do when it comes to alcohol and other drug use.
Parties and social events • If your child has been invited to a party, call the host’s parents ahead of time to make sure there will be ACTIVE adult supervision for the entire party and that alcohol will not be available. On the night of the party, make it a point to stop in and say hello when you drop off your teen.
• Make it easy to leave a party if alcohol or other drugs are being used. Discuss in advance how you or another designated adult will come to pick up your teen as soon as he or she feels uncomfortable. Agree on a code phrase your teen can use to indicate he or she wants to be picked up. Later, be prepared to talk about what happened.
Celebrate your child • Celebrate and respect your teen’s individuality and uniqueness. Respect that he or she may have different interests or goals than yours. Be supportive of your teen’s choice of activities if they are healthy and positive, even if they do not fit your vision of what you want him or her to do.
• Expressions of appreciation and thanks go a long way toward building self-esteem.
• Accentuate the positive. Emphasize the things your teen does right. Restrain the urge to be critical. Affection and respect will reinforce good (and change bad) behavior far more successfully than yelling at or embarrassing your child.
• Tell your teen you love him or her. A lot. And often.
Your teen’s friends • Do you approve of your teen’s friends? Friends at this age can be extremely influential. Don’t be afraid to question your teen about his or her friends. If you feel uncomfortable about them, let your teen know, and consider curtailing their activities together.
• Invite your teen’s friends to your home on a regular basis. Get to know them. Offer frequently to drive them where they want to go.
• If your child is visiting a friend’s house, make sure there will be adequate and continuous adult supervision. Some parents say they will be home but may leave to run errands, or they may stay in another part of the house and may not be aware of their teen’s activities. Don’t be afraid to make a surprise visit or call their home if you have doubts.
• Pre-determined departure and return times should be in place. Spur-of-the-moment sleepovers or last minute excuses for altering these times can be reason for suspicion.
Sleepovers • Think about whether sleepovers are really necessary. Offer to drive your teen’s friends home at the curfew time you’ve established. If your teen and his or her friends have a sleepover at your house, and you are asleep, you can’t supervise their activities.
• If your teen has been invited to a sleepover at a friend’s house, check to make sure they are where they say they’ll be. The old “bait and switch” technique of telling each set of parents that they will be at the other’s house has worked more than once to hide plans to go to an unsupervised party or to participate in another risky activity.
Be there • Make time for your teen. Pay attention to him or her. Find things to do together. Listen to your teen. Ordinary day-to-day activities, when done together, provide opportunities to keep lines of communication open.
• Eat together as often as you can. Meals are a great opportunity to talk about the day’s events, unwind, reinforce, and bond. Studies show that kids whose families eat together at least five times a week are less likely to be involved with substance abuse.
Teach your kids to make the right choices • Encourage independent thinking and individualism. Let your teen know that it is OK to make his or her own decisions and not to feel pressure to “follow the crowd.” Reinforce values you taught your teen when he or she was younger.
Keep your kids involved • While it is not a good idea to “over book” your teen, he or she should be involved in some positive activities. Volunteering, school clubs, faith community-based activities, scouts, individual or team sports/athletics, playing an instrument or being involved in the arts are just a few of many healthy things that are available for our teens to do.
Be aware • Trust your child, but always keep your eyes and ears open. Listen to your instincts. Don’t be afraid to intervene if your gut reaction tells you that something is wrong. Please refer to the Intervention section of this guide for more information.
• Don’t assume that your child won’t be exposed to alcohol or other drugs or won’t be tempted to get involved. It’s everywhere. It’s been said that in Pittsford the problem is even worse than in city schools, because our kids have the means to obtain alcohol and other drugs easily. And the dealers know it. But you can be a powerful and positive influence in your teen’s life. Help your child make the right choices.
Information taken from the following sources: Mark A. Head, LCSW-R, CASAC; Rush Henrietta School District Prevention Coordinator
GIVING PARTIES/ATTENDING PARTIES If your teen is giving a party: If your teen attends a party: Information taken from The Monroe County Youth Bureau, Parents Do Care, SCPC
Pittsford PTSA Website Pittsford, NY
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